[annapurna]

As the person who helped rather than had the problem over the past few years, I can understand your wife's problem with the sympathy well running dry. Laura's ongoing knee and back problems were and are trying. Things to think about:

Set your house up right ahead of surgery and you'll minimize the help you need after surgery. The past few years I was responsible for being in Florida during every Space Shuttle launch. We couldn't change my job or stop work on Laura's failing joints so it was a matter of carefully prepping the house for her to be able to be on her own for a few weeks at a time. Do as much as you can yourself now so you know where things are and can feel calm that the stuff you need is accessible to you.

Make sure your wife has time of her own. In the worst times, not when Laura needed the most help but when she became the most afraid that the surgery wasn't going to work, she needed reassurance pretty much 24/7. Those were the times that were most draining to me.