[Cirobi]

James,

I'm glad you found these forums before choosing suicide to end your suffering. There are options out there. Unfortunately, the trick is finding the combination of doctors and tests to properly diagnose what's going on in your spine.

How long ago was your last MRI? If it was toward the beginning of your spine problems, perhaps a new one would show something different? Also, there are other tests that should be done that can help determine if it is disc related pain, such as the discogram Jeff mentioned. If you can muster up the strength mentally and emotionally to do so, please keep fighting for answers. You have a lot of life left to live and there are answers to our pain for many of us faulty spine sufferers. I can't give much in the way of regional suggestions as I'm an east coaster, but here's some food for thought. Hopefully it helps in some way.

I think some doctors put too much faith on evidence of disc height loss. While that is a major visible factor for many, it's not the only factor that a doctor should consider. To use myself as an example, I had a primary care doc look at an xray of my lumbar spine and tell me my issues were just arthritic in nature... mild arthritis he called it. My pain was definitely not mild considering I have a rather high tolerance for pain and had built up some of that tolerance thanks to my spine issues. When I got an MRI done, the hospital I went to described the herniations as mild there too. They must've missed the part where my spine herniated centrally and was putting pressure on the nerves. The surgeon I initially spoke with about getting injections saw what was going on better and sent me to a colleague of his for a surgical consult after having a discogram to determine which level was generating the pain. All this time, no loss of disc height, but pain levels that made me feel like I was completely crippled some days at the ripe ole age of 27.

It's worth it to keep fighting. When I got that initial diagnosis from a former primary care doctor of mine, part of me knew the diagnosis was not correct, especially after PT and the medications he prescribed weren't helping. Once I changed to a more open access health plan through work, I went hunting for answers. I will say that I did get lucky in many regards, but were the road not as easy, I know my fighting spirit would have demanded answers.

I can understand the emotional toll it takes though. I had dealt with my pain increasing bit by bit through a decade before my back essentially gave me the middle finger. There were days I was so depressed, I couldn't perform my job properly and it turned into me getting a warning and being put on a sort of probationary period at work. Not to mention, my significant other (who is now my husband) couldn't grapple with the severity of it and couldn't understand why I wasn't exercising regularly. It became the subject of many tear filled arguments. I didn't realize just how mentally and emotionally exhausting it had been until I was in recovery from my L5S1 ADR surgery four years ago. When I no longer felt the pressure and radiating pain, it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. My coworkers even saw the difference as soon as I came back to work after my medical leave. It's that sense of relief that keeps me coming back to these forums with the hope of helping others see their way toward resolution of their symptoms.

My suggestion to you is to explore these forums as thoroughly as you can. Look in the post-op section for individual stories that are most similar to you. Ask tons of questions as well. This corner of the internet has some amazingly helpful people and even if they can't give advice specific to your issue or directly answer your questions, they are full of encouraging words. Sometimes, just having a group of people cheering for you can make all the difference.

I hope you're able to find resolution to your pain and a way to cheer you up a bit so things don't seem quite as bleak.

~Sara